The Dating game - How Men can be good at it

Dating is one of the most intriguing experiences anyone can go through. And one of the things that has really intrigued me, time and again, is when boy meets girl – and is tongue tied. Or worse still, he can’t communicate effectively or dare I say, even if he happens to be a good conversationalist, he might be guilty of harbouring an ulterior motive.

When it comes to going out on a date, most women enjoy the company of a man who can make her laugh as well as compliment her nicely. There is nothing as heart warming and soothing for a woman who is suffering from a considerable low self esteem, than for a man to woo her and say nice things about her.

So what is it about a date between a man and a woman that has been dubbed the litmus test particularly for any man who stands any chance of winning the affection of a woman?

The Move

Well, the prelude to winning a date with a woman starts when a man fancies a woman and steps up to her and chats her up until she drools helplessly from the mouth; her head spins like a pendulum that swings aimlessly; she forgets her name momentarily; her heart beat races faster than a speeding bullet; she’s in cloud nine – then she’s in heaven and wants to stay there, then she forgets she’s hungry; then suddenly she goes weak at the knees, she starts to shake, then butterflies flutter uncontrollably in her stomach; her head becomes light; her pupils become dull as her eyes looks as if she’s about to pass out.

And she’s even “crazier” if the guy happens to throw in some foreign seductive words like “Ragazza. Bella. Siete così bei. Quando esamino i vostri occhi e la sega la scintilla, ho saputo che un brivido funzionerebbe giù il mio corpo intero. Ed il vostro sorriso, così reale, interessa ogni battimento sano del mio cuore”. (Italian)

(Translation: Girl. You are so beautiful. When I look into your eyes, and saw the spark, I knew a shiver would run down my whole body. And your smile, so real, affects every sound beat of my heart).

At this stage, the woman would have thrown all caution to the wind and just want to grab the guy and “devour” him. Now that is what I call falling head over heels in love. But by then, either by lust of love, the woman would have fallen for the man. Perhaps, this is every woman’s fantasy of an ideal way to fall in love once they’ve found their prince charming.

But, don’t take my word for it. I would love to have said that this formula works all the time, if at all. But it doesn’t. Even a self acclaimed playboy will not always get a particular girl he fancied.

One important pointer for men is this: If a woman doesn’t show any inclination of “falling” for your charms, especially on the first date, it may not be you. It could be bad timing on your part; the woman may have just come out of a stormy relationship, she may be a lesbian or she may just be a tease and just loves to flirt.

Or quite simply, it could be you. It could be your bad breath. It could be your negative vibes. Do you see her as someone dateable in the long term or you see her as someone you could use and dump? Trust me, women have radars and can read this a mile off. Perhaps, it could be your dress sense or lack of it. Are you dressed for the part? Have you got a pot belly and wearing a tucked in shirt? Or are you wearing jeans with white socks, brown shoes and blue textured attire?

How does your hair stand out? Rough and unkempt? Or you have a Bob that is a throwback to the seventies? That’s not really a problem, but how often is it washed? How about B.O? Do the flies get excited when they see you and follow you about?

In particular, what lines do you come up with when you chat up a woman? Could it be that your chat up lines are indigestibly boring? Is it the conventional orthodox lame remark of “Oh baby, you da bomb. Is your dad a terrorist?” Or a stale statement such as this one: “I hope you have a library card, coz I’m checking you out?”. Or some religious chat up lines “The Lord said I should come and speak to you”, or “Sister, the Lord said I should pray for you. How about holding a night vigil at my place?”

The Tip

Let it be borne in mind that there is no blueprint formula for chatting up a woman. It isn’t rocket science. Not surprisingly though, it is an art that needs to be perfected well. After all, as the saying goes, if you keep doing the same thing you will get the same result.

Men, don’t feel intimidated when you see a pretty woman. Go talk to her. Cut out the shyness. Even if she wears an angry look on her face, it might just be her demeanour. Look out for the tell tale signs. And choose your moment well. I reckon a woman could tell if they liked a man (not necessary date him in the end) in seconds by his charm, his poise, approach and his ability to strike up a conversation with her and sustain it.

Women love a smooth talker. But when you control the entire conversation, especially when it revolves around you, it smacks of self-centeredness. And women find this a turn off. Again, look for the signs. If she’s looking at her watch repeatedly, yawning, looking disinterested or makes an excuse to go “powder her nose”, give up. No PR guru can resuscitate your chat up lines for you at that moment. Sometimes it is not what you say (it could well be on a different occasion), but how you say it that will do the trick.

Aside from being a smooth talker, most women also love a man who oozes confidence and an aura of manliness. Be yourself though. Don’t claim you have a May Bach coupe when you drive a Honda Civic. Don’t claim you work for Goldman Sachs as an Investment banker when you work at Pizza Hut. You can imagine if your photo I.D dropped to the floor at that particular moment. Don’t claim you are a born again Christian when you only attend church on New Year’s Eve. And don’t claim you live in a penthouse in a posh area when in fact you live in a rough neighbourhood.

As a man, re-evaluate how you chat up a woman. Remember you are a salesman. You have a product to sell – YOU. Are you dateable? What qualities do you bring to the table? What is your pitch? Finally, the deal only gets half done once you obtain that elusive phone number from a woman.

Although, I hasten to add, that whilst men have retained that natural instinct to make the first move on women, there is nothing stopping a woman from chatting up a man as well. If an opportunity presents itself, grab it. If it is lost, it’s gone forever. It can’t be regained again.

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